By Louise Flanagan
BRITISH pop star, Lily Allen, had lots of hits in the noughties. Of late, she has admittedly fallen off the radar.
She explained that her children “ruined” her career – that’s her choice of word, not mine! She said, “Yes, my children ruined my career. I love them and they complete me, but in terms of pop stardom, they totally ruined it.”
Some were offended by her blunt turn of phrase, but mostly, she is being praised for normalising ‘not having it all’.
Many people, including myself, found the admission quite refreshing. It must be incredibly difficult for someone who tours for months on end, gets up at cockcrow to appear on morning TV shows and stays up late to attend glitzy parties to be a mammy. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you’d definitely be spreading yourself very, very thin to make it work.
Even for us mere mortals / non-celebrity types, there’s no doubt about it – juggling all the balls all the time is unsustainable. Lily Allen just kindly let us know that the problem extends to her echelon as well.
I worked as an au pair in France when I was in my early twenties. There were four kids in the family, ranging from nine to two years old. That’s pretty hectic by anyone’s standards; by French standards such a large family was unheard of.
Life was so busy in that house; it was my first glimpse of it as an adult. There were two daughters with lovely long hair and the mum used to brush out and plait their hair at bedtime.
She explained that the morning was too busy and it would be one less thing to worry about directly before school. Their plaits were a little fuzzy by morning, but off they went to school like that.
I remember imagining that when I had a precious daughter of my own, I’d sing like Snow White as I wove her hair neatly into elaborate braids before school. Snow White indeed. That really was a fairytale!
It was only when I found myself in her shoes as a mum working full-time, that I finally understood why she had chosen to cut this little corner to help get everyone out the door in one piece in the morning. Thankfully, Lucy is old enough to sort her own hair now, but I admit to sending her to school with some ‘hairy’ hairstyles in her earlier years!
Different parents opt to cut different corners, but it’s helpful to realise that we all do it! I’m lucky that my husband batch cooks like a maniac on Sundays. Mid-week dinners are either reheated or of questionable nutritional value. There is no time for peeling spuds and veg after the extra curricular activities in the evening. No time and no energy.
I am a very busy person, but I’m very kind to myself; I don’t beat myself up for any of the corners I cut (or for any of the messy corners in my house.) My children are happy and loved, so I feel like I’m winning. I am winning.
Lily Allen is winning too; she figured out what corners she had to cut and I highly doubt she will ever regret that decision.
Louise Flanagan’s Parenting Column features every Thursday in the Donegal News.
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