THIS time last year manager of Donegal Women’s Centre Mary Herlihy unexpectedly found herself on a life changing journey, which saw her undergo a double mastectomy and overcome sepsis.

A friendly and welcoming face to all who cross the doors of the Letterkenny based centre, Mary is now back at work but with a new personal perspective which comes with the experience of loss.

“It all started going back to when I had Covid,” Mary told the Donegal News.

“I tested positive for Covid on November 19, 2022. I was really, really sick with it. I had a pain in my left shoulder and I put it down to Covid. I also knew that I had a lump (in my breast) for a little while. I thought that as I was turning 50 I would be called for my mammogram soon, and chances are that it would be nothing.”

She became more concerned when, on Christmas Day morning in December 2022, she noticed the lump in her breast had changed.

“It was a big change, and I knew I couldn’t put off getting it looked at.”

Donegal Women’s Centre manager, Mary Herlihy. Photo: Declan Doherty

Mary kept her concerns to herself that Christmas, deciding against telling her daughters Aiobhín (21) and Niamh (19).

“I went to my GP in early January 2023, and I just knew by the look on her face that I was in bother. I think I probably knew myself but I didn’t want to go there.

“I met breast surgeon Michael Sugrue on January 16 when I had my mammogram and then an ultrasound. There was a lot of busyness in the room. Everyone was lovely, and very professional and reassuring but when they started talking about biopsies, I knew the situation was getting very real.”

Three days later, Mr Sugrue said the words that no-one ever wants to hear when he confirmed to Mary that she had cancer.

“In that instant, you just know that life changes. Life is never going to be the same after that,” said Mary.

“I was told that the cancer in my left breast was Lobular cancer, which is a very aggressive form of cancer and very easily spreads. I was offered choices, and for me I chose to have a mastectomy.”

In breaking the news to her two daughters, Mary said she chose her words carefully.

“I told them that we were on a bit of a journey this year. They are young but also old enough to understand. They wanted to know everything that was going to happen. I couldn’t shield them.”

The mum of two underwent her first mastectomy surgery in Letterkenny University Hospital on Valentine’s Day of last year. While recuperating at home with her dad by her side, she got a phone call from the hospital telling her that the radiologist was not happy with images examined of her right side breast. Mary was told she had ductal cancer. She had a second mastectomy in LUH on March 21.

While physically the surgeries “weren’t the toughest” to go through, Mary said the loss was tangible.

“Women’s breasts can define their own femininity. There was a process leading up to saying goodbye. I remember when I was being put to sleep, I held my hand on the breast and said my goodbye. When I woke up, there was a scar instead.”

While some women explore the route of reconstructive surgery, Mary chose not to. But she said she would like to see more societal acceptance when it comes to body image.

“I had made my peace with it,” said Mary.

“I have a prosthesis bra, which sometimes I wear and other times I don’t. I think that is where society comes in. We have to accept women’s bodies and promote more body positivity. Unless you go through it, it is not something that you might ever think about. For me, it’s all about what a person chooses for themselves. I think mastectomy bras should be more widely available. The hospital provide some, and they can be purchased in McElhinney’s but other than that they are only online.”

Embarking on chemotherapy in May last, Mary was hospitalised for three weeks during her third round after contracting sepsis.

“I was never as sick. Because I had a bilateral mastectomy they couldn’t use my arms for IV or injections. They couldn’t get veins in my feet. There was one vein in my toe that they were using but that went and I had to go to theatre for a central line to be put into my neck which worked for about 10 days. I had to go back to theatre and get that taken out and a new one put in in the other side.

“There were days when I thought if I would see the blue skies again.”

Mary went back to work in October. She is fighting fit and looks incredibly well. But she said the journey is not a linear one.

“It’s very isolating and lonely. You can have as many people around you as you want but you are still the one having to go through it. My mum had cancer. She passed away in 2019, so I had a little bit of experience of it but faced with my own mortality everything changed.

“You go into a sense of denial but you are in survival mode. You have to do what you have to do to get through it. I never called it a battle. I still don’t. For me, it was my journey for this year. I gave it a timeline. It does take up 12 months of your life.

“As we’re sitting here, I am very conscious that someone is getting the news that I got last year on two occasions. I’d like to tell that person to trust yourself and you will get through it. It’s a journey. There is a start, middle and end but it is not linear. It goes past your last day of treatment. Go with the people who come into your life and those who leave, let them go.

“Some days you don’t want to be strong, you want to be under the duvet and if you have those days go with them and don’t punish or judge yourself. They are part and parcel of it. Reading, mindfulness and crocheting helped me through, someone else will have different coping mechanisms.”

Mary thanked her daughters, friends and colleagues for their unwavering support and for going on the journey with her.

“I found that people came into my life unexpectedly while others left. You just have to go with that ebb and flow. Not everyone will go on the journey with you.

“People don’t have to come up with the right words because there are no right words but just know that sending a text to a person going through cancer to let them know that you are thinking of them will make all the difference.

“Thanks to everyone who phoned me, messaged me or sent cards. It didn’t go unnoticed.”