FOR almost 20 years, foster carers Anne and Charlie Callaghan have been welcoming children who are in care and need a new place to live into their home.
When it’s time for them to go, they leave as friends, some having stayed a few days, others a few months.
There are even those who never left at all… still living under the Callaghan roof, near Letterkenny.
What makes the couple foster? Well, that’s best explained through a story that Anne tells…
“We had this little boy who came to stay with us once, who was very introverted,” recalls Anne.
“At the start he didn’t want a hug. A couple of weeks later, he wanted a hug, and then after that he’d get a big hug when he went to bed. The day he left us; he gave me a massive hug. ‘I’m really going to miss you,’ he said.
“I told him, ‘You’ll always be in my heart; come back and visit us again.’
“That big hug… that’s why I foster. It’s all these little things that make you want to do it. A lot of children just want boundaries… regular mealtimes and not having to worry about parents fighting or if there is food in the fridge. Fostering is about just letting them be children.
“Every child should be with their family, but if that goes wrong then fostering has to be part of society, having children live in a family home… it’s what rears good adults, and fostering helps break that cycle of children coming into care, whose parents were in care themselves.”
Anne and Charlie have two children of their own and began their fostering journey when the siblings were aged 10 and seven.
“Fostering is something I always wanted to do. Growing up, I trained helping special needs children at the Sunshine Home in Leopardstown in Dublin. That’s where I first heard of fostering – people would come and take some of the children out for the weekend. I was 18 at the time and I’d take a Down’s syndrome boy out for the day and bring him back to my family home,” says Anne.
“Charlie knew from the start that at some stage I would like to foster. We got assessed in by Tusla in 2006 and have been fostering ever since.”
Anne says that the family have supported 29 children in that time, many of them through respite care, which gives other foster parents a chance to take some time out for themselves.
Respite care is not long term and so can suit some families who are interested in fostering. It is also often for children in the community and a great support for families in need.
“The first couple of children we took in were for respite care, then six months later two sisters (aged two and five) came. They stayed two years before going back to their family. But they came back into care 18 months later with their little brother. We took them all in and they stayed with us ever since.”
Anne and Charlie are also providing long-term care for a girl who came to stay with them during the Covid pandemic, when she was 10 years old. As well as these long-term supports, Anne and her family provide shorter term respite care for other children.
“Fostering has had a very positive impact on our own children; they realise how lucky they are. We would always include them in any discussion we had about someone coming to stay because not every placement will suit.”
The family’s long-term fostering has clearly created strong bonds between all the children, with Anne’s daughter choosing to have her foster siblings as bridesmaids for her upcoming wedding.
“No parent sets out to have their children in foster care… it’s just the circumstances that some parents find themselves in. With mental health or addictions issues, a parent might just have so many needs of their own that they just can’t look after their child. If you can’t look after yourself, how can you be expected to look after a child? It takes a village to raise a child. You need back-up… relatives who can help if needed, but some families don’t have that back-up around them.”
Fostering is an extraordinarily generous act performed by ordinary people going that extra mile for young people at a time when they most need help. Across Ireland, 3,789 foster carers currently open their homes to 5,046 children*.
“In cases where there has been a successful reunification, parents have told us how grateful they are to us for looking after their children, and we’ve actually stayed in touch and become friends… we’re part of their child’s story now, which is lovely.”
“We’ve never regretted fostering. It has enriched our lives, and our family’s lives. Whether it’s for a weekend, a month, or a few months, you will have a positive impact on a child, and they will remember… it comes back to them later that you have loved them.” Families come in all shapes and sizes and never is this more apparent than at Christmas time when homes and hearts are opened to loved ones. Offering a sense of shared belonging truly is a gift, perhaps the greatest gift of all, at Christmas and any other time of year.
For information on fostering, contact Tusla Fostering. Freefone 1800 226771, email: tusla.fostering@tusla.ie or visit www.fostering.ie
