By Jonathan Magee
They are calling for better supports around time off work, financial security and ongoing medical care
TWO Inishowen women have spoken out about their experiences of early miscarriage, laying bare the emotional and physical toll, and have called for greater support for families.
Their accounts followed last week’s Donegal News report on a Letterkenny woman’s experience of early pregnancy loss, which highlighted the lack of statutory supports currently available in the Republic.
New early-stage miscarriage leave and pay rights are due to come into effect in the North today, bringing the issue into sharp focus and exposing a widening gap in provision in the Republic.
While last week’s coverage examined both the personal impact of miscarriage and the evolving legal landscape in the North, this week’s edition hears directly from women in Inishowen who said more must be done.
The first woman, who wished to remain anonymous, shared her story in detail, describing the quiet devastation of early miscarriage and the challenges that followed.
She has called for urgent change in how women and families are supported, particularly in relation to time off work, financial security and ongoing medical care.
Although her employers understood, she said nothing could have prepared her for the emotional toll.
“When we lost our baby at almost 11 weeks I knew for certain that I couldn’t face the world,” she said.
Each morning, she forced herself through routine for the sake of her two children, aged eight and ten, before retreating into grief once the house fell silent.
“I would then spend the entire day in bed sobbing until I knew I had to collect my children from school at 3pm.
“Losing our baby was the most horrific experience, physically it took so much from me but mentally I will never be the same again,” she said.
Her experience highlighted what she described as a stark situation for women following early miscarriage.
“We are expected to just get up and get on with it.
“I went back to work after two weeks and I definitely wasn’t ready for it.
“I work in early years and I was expected to regulate the emotions of pre-schoolers when my heart was broken.
“Even now, two months on I am not ok,” she said.
The grief surpassed even that of losing a close relative, describing it as a loss that is often hidden and misunderstood.
Her partner, she added, received just two days off work.
“His heart is as broken as mine and again he must bounce back.”
In the absence of structured support, the couple have been left to navigate their grief largely alone — a reality she believed must change.
“So much more needs to be done. It’s so sad because for some reason in our society it is a hidden grief. Why can we not talk to people about this?,” she added.
In dealing with their loss, she wrote a poem:
One in Four knocked on our door
“Ten weeks and five days so little but loved in so many ways.
I used to hear of a loss and think that’s sad
But I never realised the impact was this bad.
Dreams of tiny hands and toes,
Cosy hats and baby grows.
All gone in an instant, clinical and cold.
There would be no baby to hold.
A future we had planned in our heads,
But instead the news that everyone dreads.
The world moves on but I’m stuck there
The day I lost you it’s hard to bare.
So many emotions; guilt, loneliness everything feels black.
I don’t know how to get through this, will I ever get myself back.
Me before losing you was full of hope and love
And now it feels so heavy, there’s a darkness above.
We wanted you more than you will ever know,
I’m so sorry that you had to go.”
Another woman also shared her miscarriage trauma – ‘It’s not over for ages,’ she said.
She highlighted the lack of awareness around how long recovery can take, and the pressures women face returning to work.
The mother, who also wished to remain anonymous, already had two children of two and five years old. Miscarriage was not in her thoughts when she became pregnant for a third time. Having suffered from extreme pregnancy nausea with her first two pregnancies she felt it was a little different this time.
She said: “Six and a half weeks came and I thought to myself, that maybe I was going to be lucky this time. I literally had that thought just before I saw blood.”
While initially not overly concerned, she quickly realised the pregnancy was ending.
“I attended the GP the next day and I am pretty sure the tiny little baby passed when I was at work.”
She took only one day off work when she was called to Letterkenny University Hospital.
In the weeks that followed, she said the reality of miscarriage really hit home.
“I was surprised to know how many times I had to attend the hospital for several weeks afterwards to get blood HCG levels checked.
“It’s not ‘over’ for ages,” she said.
Two months later, she was delighted to become pregnant again and, following an early scan, felt reassured. She tried to push negative thoughts from her mind but had felt quite sick.
She added: “I had an early reassurance scan and was deeply relieved to hear that there was a strong and clearly visible heartbeat. Things were all going in the right direction.”
However, just days before her 12-week scan, she began bleeding again on St Brigid’s day this year.
“The doctor and nurse were incredibly kind and empathetic, but unfortunately there was no heartbeat this time. This was to be an entirely different experience.
“Nothing much for the next two days, but on the second night I knew something different was happening and that morning a little baby was born at home.
“They ask that you can keep what you find, and as you can imagine that is particularly stressful. I found that really hard.
The woman described the trauma of the days that followed, including medical procedures and difficult decisions.
She said: “So many questions about what to do, burial of the little baby in Letterkenny, or at home, or what, talk of funeral directors. Never did I think I would have to get in touch with a funeral director, or have a grave. Well, I do now.”
Despite taking time off, she said returning to busy normal life was stressful but that she “kept going”.
“Two weeks after returning to work, 32 days after this started happening, I experienced massive bleeding, while at work and had to leave to go to A and E”, she said.
She also spoke of the emotional toll and days of sadness.
After 45 days of bleeding in total, she believed more recognition of the physical trauma is needed in addition to the recognition of the mental effects.
“Miscarriage throws up an awful lot of emotional trauma, the very real and worrying physical symptoms may continue on for a long time and that being expected to work during this time is in fact inhumane,” she said.
She added: “Women should not have to worry about work and sick leave entitlements during miscarriage.”
The Department of Health had not responded to a request for a statement on the issue of early miscarriage supports in time for the original article. On Thursday, April 2 a government spokesman said:
“The Government fully recognises the significance of miscarriage and is working on developing policy to provide bereavement leave for pregnancy loss for workers.
“Minister Burke and has officials are working on proposals to provide this leave, having carried out significant work including engaging with counterparts in the United Kingdom, Northern Ireland and Malta to learn about forthcoming or recent legislative changes to introduce pregnancy loss leave in those jurisdictions.
“This is a complex policy area and is not one which has been legislated for in any way previously under employment law in Ireland.
“A policy outline has been prepared and legal advice has been sought from the Office of the Attorney General. Officials are continuing to engage with the AGO and legal advice is expected in the near future.”
Information on available supports: https:pregnancyandinfantloss.ie