SEVEN months have passed since my last trip to Birmingham.
I have been waiting for what seems like years for this procedure as a simple piece of paper work held me back (very frustrating) but the day finally arrived and as you read this I am most likely in theatre.
I travelled over on Sunday morning and will hopefully return early Wednesday morning with a better understanding of the road ahead.
The procedure will include an aspiration whereby they use a needle to check my hip for infection and also an examination while under general anaesthetic.
My hip has not been reviewed since 2013 so I am understandably nervous.
FUTURE
Over the past week I have found myself thinking a lot about the future again.
I had pushed it all to the back of my mind over Christmas and into the New Year as I had things I wanted to focus on but as I prepared to leave for the hospital those familiar feelings were back.
It’s funny how you can almost forget about a situation and go about your daily life as if everything is normal.
I have been very lucky in recent months pain wise and it has allowed me to plan fun activities and do more in general but I do so knowing that at any moment I could find myself back to square one.
It has been a great motivator up until now. I tend to live by the rule that there are no certainties in life and to just go for it but I wasn’t always like that.
I was almost afraid to get on with things at first, I kind of expected the pain to kick in and felt confused when it didn’t.
It makes you doubt how bad it was in the first place or whether it was there at all.
PAIN
Anyone living with chronic pain will agree. Suddenly you have a flare up and BAM! Self doubt is gone. The pain is REAL!
Although I felt nervous in the build up to my trip I also felt relieved in a way.
Regardless of the outcome at least the wait is over. After today’s procedure I will know more about what I am facing.
Whether it is good or bad remains to be seen but at least I will know. The emotional part of me is hopeful that the news will be good, or as good as it can be but I have a realistic side too and I know better than to expect a miracle.
As long as I can still get around and do the things I love to do then I will learn to accept my fate.
I’m not saying I will accept it with grace and dignity, God no! I will moan and groan and most likely sulk (“it’s the family I feel sorry for”) but I will come out smiling as I always do because I can appreciate the bigger picture.
I know I am lucky to be here and I know there are thousands of people out there dealing with greater traumas than me.
Having said that if you want to be really Irish and light a candle for me then please go ahead, it would be much appreciated!
I will be back next week to let you know how I get on:)
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