By Louise Flanagan
A few days ago, I saw a post on social media asking for people to comment with four words that capture their best parenting advice. There was actually some pretty solid advice offered; albeit there were humorous responses in the mix too, such as ‘Keep stocked in wine’.
Of the sensible answers, here are some of my favourites: ‘Learn as you go’. The urge to devour parenting manuals when you’re pregnant is overwhelming. In reality though, you’re far more likely to adapt and grow as a parent every day. You’ll figure it out for yourself in the trenches.
Parenting gurus, family and friends can offer great advice, but I think it’s a case of trial and error to find out what works for you and your baby in due course. ‘Just roll with it’ was another four word answer that resonates with me.
When it comes to disciplining kids, the following response came up several times; ‘Choose your battles carefully.’ There is no point giving out about everything.
For one thing, I think all our ranting loses its potency when we overdo it. If we are a bit more selective, there’s a greater chance that they’ll know we really mean business.
Another four word response was ‘Learn to say no’. I have no problem with this one. The word no features heavily in every day discussions in our house.
The ‘no’ tends to be explained though; it’s not just us throwing our weight around – we try to justify why the answer is no.
Another four word answer that falls into the category of discipline is ‘Follow through on threats’. This one is very important. Only say it if you really mean it. In the heat of the moment, we can issue all sorts of nonsensical threats.
Once I threatened to ban the TV for a week. Seriously, what was I thinking? That would be more of a punishment to me who relies on the peace and quiet that only screen time can offer.
I think that ban lasted for a day. It totally backfired and I had to work hard to regain my credibility!
‘Trust your own instincts’. This one is important, no doubt about it. After all the opinions are doled out, you need to have the courage and resolution to make a final decision when it comes to child rearing. There have been times though, when my own instinct has been wrong, so I think it’s important to stay open-minded and receptive to help and advice.
When Evan was only two weeks old, his big sister Lucy suddenly got very whiny and clingy. I thought she was acting up; perhaps the green-eyed monster had taken hold.
She was only two years old, so she wasn’t able to tell me how she truly felt. She was running a bit of a temperature and I dosed her up with calpol and dismissed it as her being generally off form. I wasn’t going to pander to her.
Family members did try to gently urge me that it was totally out of character for her. It turned out she had a kidney infection – we had to rush her through A&E and she spent two nights in hospital. So yeah, my instincts were way off on that one.
The final four letter advice is ‘Go easy on yourself.’ This is extremely important. Needless to say, I felt awful when Lucy was admitted to hospital. I should have known better. I should have listened to my mother-in-law!
Sometimes, we get it wrong in parenting, but that’s all par for the course.
Just ‘Keep trying your best!’
Louise Flanagan is an admin of Letterkenny Babies Facebook page and the author of the children’s book series, Dragonterra and Dream Beasts. www.dragonterra.ie
Her Parenting column features every Thursday in the Donegal News.
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