PARENTING COLUMN: Disappointment is a fact of life

With the Olympic Games in full swing, we’ve been treated to top athletes competing on the world stage. Where there are winners, there are of course losers. It got me thinking about the importance of teaching kids to cope with disappointment; it’s a vital life skill, albeit a hard one to swallow.

In a world where children are often shielded from failure, teaching them to cope with disappointment might seem counterintuitive. However, managing disappointment can build resilience, and that is one of the most valuable lessons parents can impart to their children. It not only prepares kids for the inevitable challenges of life but also fosters perseverance and a more balanced perspective.

I think that all kids should get a chance to play on their football team – especially when they’re young – but getting selected for an elite squad or winning a medal should be reserved for the very best. The sting of disappointment hurts, no doubt about it, but as parents, I think we do our kids a disservice if we pander too much to them and tell them it’s ‘not fair’ when they don’t win or when they don’t get picked. Yes, there are cases where it simply isn’t fair, but mostly, we need to respect the opinions of coaches and adjudicators whose judgements mightn’t always align with our own.

Disappointment is an unavoidable aspect of life. These experiences, though painful, are crucial for a child’s emotional development. Disappointment teaches children that life doesn’t always go as planned, helping them build realistic expectations and a stronger sense of self.

In my house, it’s a bit of a running joke that I’m the Runner-Up Queen. Whether it’s being cast as an understudy in a musical or getting shortlisted for a national book award, the expression ‘so near and yet so far’ often rings painfully true to me! It’s tough, but when we learn to handle disappointment, we develop the ability to recover from setbacks and keep moving forward. It doesn’t deter me from auditioning for other roles or entering my books in other national awards; Defeat does not define our potential, nor does it predict our future growth.

When a child is disappointed, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings without immediately trying to fix the problem. Hug them as they navigate the uncharted emotion of disappointment and whisper ‘that’s life’ in their ear… because that really IS life.

I agree that progress made and effort needs to be acknowledged. I recently watched an U10 football match and the coach of the losing team shouted the most heartwarming encouragement throughout; a child skied the ball in front of an open net rather than scoring a goal and his response was, “Loving the enthusiasm! Keep it up!” Praising effort and hard work teaches children that their value is not solely based on outcomes but on the journey and personal growth. Handing out medals willy-nilly just devalues a medal though.

Anyone who excels in their field deserves to stand out; their talents should be recognised and their achievements should be celebrated. And I have no doubt that their journeys have also been blotted by disappointment – everyone’s has! The most decorated Olympians and young kids alike need to taste the lows to truly appreciate the highs. That’s life!

Louise Flanagan is an admin of Letterkenny Babies Facebook page and the author of the children’s book series, Dragonterra and Dream Beasts. www.dragonterra.ie

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