One of the hardest aspects of parenting is trying to protect our children from external sources that cause them upset – namely, their friendship group if things turn sour. It’s our instinct to wrap them up in bubble wrap in an attempt to shield them from any and all sadness. The reality is though, that friendship groups often drift apart; interests change, new group dynamics come into play and feelings can ultimately get hurt. Letterkenny Babies Facebook page recently received a message that resonated with many other parents who commented saying they could have written it themselves:

“My daughter is going into 6th class and has been excluded this summer by her friend group. It has broken her heart; it’s been a painful summer. I’m dreading Monday. Will they speak to her or will they ignore her? I feel sick worrying about all of the hurt she is feeling. Do I move schools? Would she be accepted into friend groups in other schools at this stage? Young people’s mental health is so bad at the minute, girls especially are so tough on one another. I just need my daughter to have some support, a friend to call her own.”

The post received a lot of empathy and helpful comments. One parent wrote; “I’ve seen this happen and the best advice that absolutely worked was for the girl to make friends with a boy in her class. There’s always one who’s kind and not wanting drama and the wee girl will be well equipped to deal with those who dropped her as he will advise her not to stress.”

Another add; “Unfortunately, there’s a hard life lesson to be learned here. It’s horrible to watch when you are not be able to control it or find a solution. You’ll have to ask her what she wants to do. Sometimes running away isn’t the solution. Your daughter will come out of this stronger than you can imagine. Give it some time; she might make other friends in her class. Maybe encourage an activity outside school with girls that will be going to her secondary school – widen her circle.”

The suggestion of focusing on extracurricular activities and friendships outside of school was a popular one. “If she isn’t at any after school sports, I would highly recommend the Gaelic, camogie or martial arts for her. My two have made lovely friends within these communities and it may help her realise there are friendships outside of the classroom. I would however talk to the principal or teacher as they could talk to the assistants that supervise break and lunch to observe what’s going on. Sometimes, the teacher will not witness what’s going on.”

As a teacher myself, I always recommend that parents contact the school to highlight any difficulties their children are having. The perpetrators can be very sneaky, but equally, the victims can plaster on their best smile for the teacher and disguise their true emotions very effectively at school.

Some teachers did comment, all too familiar with this scenario: “I’m a primary teacher in Australia. I am watching kids as young as seven and eight start this carry on with each other and it’s predominantly girls. They can be so mean to each other. As a teacher, I have zero tolerance and I call them out every time. I would speak to the teacher but I’m not sure I would move schools. I would hope people in leadership would act on this. Unfortunately sometimes kindness has to be explicitly taught.

“No child should be dreading starting back to school because of their classmates! I hope you get this sorted and those girls grow up and realise that how they treat people can have a devastating impact on another person.”

Louise Flanagan is an admin of Letterkenny Babies Facebook page and the author of the children’s book series, Dragonterra and Dream Beasts. www.dragonterra.ie