By Sean Murphy
ROMANTIC hopefuls hoping to find summer love have been contacting a relationship expert to ask, ‘What should I do next?’
Award-winning love guru Frances Kelleher, who got married in Donegal, has revealed that couples from the county are seeking her expertise for advice and guidance.
Frances, who has appeared on TV and radio, has revealed to the Donegal News the tricky issues faced by couples in the county and how she has helped them.
Recent EU studies warned of a loneliness epidemic in Ireland and Frances has urged singles not to give up – because there is someone for everyone, she believes.
She said: “People from Donegal love a summer romance as much as any other county. They have been asking me a lot about long distance relationships and if they should date someone that is far away from them and if it can even work.
“They have been amazing at taking my advice and running with it. They have even extended their radar on the online apps for connecting with people as far away as Galway and Kerry.
“Around this time of year, in summertime, I get asked about Donegal holiday romances and should anyone engage in a relationship after the holiday is over.
“People are looking for romance during the warm, long summer nights, especially because people are more social during this time of year.
“There are more opportunities for romance with longer evenings, festivals and natural moments for creating connection and new shared memories.”
Award-winning romantic relationship Frances Kelleher has been helping romantic hopefuls in Donegal.
Frances added: “I tell them that couples in healthy long-distance relationships can enjoy relationship satisfaction as much as couples who are geographically close. However, I do warn couples that long-distance relationships do tend to end more often if there is no realistic plan to eventually live in the same place.
“There are a few key essentials that every successful long-distance relationship needs to survive.”
MOVING CLOSER TOGETHER
Frances, who is one of Ireland’s top dating and relationship experts, has claimed that relationships make us happy because “we’re not islands”.
She said: “The most important factor is a clear date to work towards when they will move closer to each other. This is where many couples fail. They do not talk about making that happen and the details of how it will happen.
“For example, who will move? Also, how will they move? And most importantly: when?
“Some might say, ‘We will see, let’s go with the flow’. I’m sorry, but that is not a plan. Planning for a shared future should be the plan.”
TRUSTING EACH OTHER
Frances added: “You need to completely trust the person. It is not the distance that is the problem, it is being suspicious.
“If you do not trust the person, you become a detective and this is completely exhausting.
“Try not to wonder why they do not answer a phone message immediately, or who they are talking to throughout the day, and what they are doing 247.
“It is about the quality of communication, not the quantity. People may think that they have to be in non-stop communication all day long if they love each other, but you do not.
“A text in the morning wishing them a nice day and then a quality, uninterrupted call at night can work. Do what works for both of you but make sure it is to connect emotionally and not just to go through the day’s motions.
COMMUNICATON
“Do not avoid difficult conversations. If you want to make the relationship work, you must communicate early about what is going to happen.
“Do not leave it until a year down the line. For instance, talk about each other’s expectations, money, how often you will see each other, commitment and shared goals. If you do not, resentment creeps in and takes over.”
OWN INTERESTS
Frances said: “Having your own interests is also important.
“One of the biggest mistakes is making your partner your entire world.
“Nothing kills attraction faster than being emotionally dependent on that one person. Keep up your friendships, go to your yoga or boxing classes, take up a new hobby because people that keep growing make better, more attractive and happier partners.”
GO ON DATES
The advice from Frances is: “You have to schedule regular visits Relationships need shared experiences in real life. Phone calls and texts are just a virtual relationship.
“Ideally, where possible, you should alternate visiting each other to make memories together, meet each other’s family and friends and spend ordinary life together.
“Doing this lets you see the other person’s bad moods, see them under stress, and not just them in happy holiday mode.
“Without these, it makes it much harder for a long distance relationship to work.”
Couples in Donegal reached out for help from mother-of-two Frances, from Kerry, through her franceskellehercoaching.com website.
They wanted advice about green and red flags, being best friends, chemistry, shared values, communication, the courses she teaches, and her strategy for using dating apps.
She said: “My advice to them is embrace spending more money on phone calls and trips away. Love is worth the money.
“I tell Donegal people who searching for romance that the effort to find the right person is worth it. To love and to be loved is the holy grail of life.”
She added: “We are not islands. We are not meant to be alone, we are happiest and function best in a relationship. So be patient and keep at it.”