COLUMN: Life is rarely a perfect score sheet - and the same applies at exam time

By Louise Flanagan

I recently read a quotation credited to Leah McDermott: “Let’s stop glorifying academic success and start praising our kids for the weird and wonderful interests and talents that make them uniquely who they are. This is how we inspire the next generation of artists, problem solvers, and creative, joyful souls.”

It struck a chord with me, both as a parent and a teacher. When I began my career as a secondary school teacher, I thought my sole objective was to whip my students into shape for their exams.

While it would be remiss of me to neglect this professional responsibility, I have come to realise that it isn’t in every students’ best interest to have such academic tunnel vision. Sure, the exams are important and I dutifully prepare my students for assessment, but I try to see them as a whole person and not just some little French verb regurgitator before me.

I remind them at every available opportunity that they are so much more than whatever grade they get in their tests. There is so much more to life than exams, so many other indicators of success, so many other talents to showcase and so many other paths in life that will lead to happiness.

As a parent of three primary school kids, I tend to take a back seat when it comes to their weekly spelling tests. They do well of their own accord, but there are normally a few misspelled words in the mix.

I genuinely think kids learn far more from making these mistakes than they do from parents prepping them for spelling glory every Friday. I know at times kids need a bit of extra support and it’s our duty as parents to nurture and encourage them; I’m talking about the temptation to strive for perfection.
When kids are used to getting top marks, pressure can build to maintain that winning streak. It intensifies as the years go on and the sense of disappointment when they slip up can lead to all sorts of overwhelming negative emotions.

Will my kids fail to reach their full academic potential because I’m not cracking the whip? Should I be drilling their spellings into them to improve their accuracy?
My heart tells me not to worry about it. I sincerely hope they will develop as independent learners who try their best and give themselves credit for the outcome, whatever that might be, rather than bemoaning a less than perfect scoresheet. Life is rarely a perfect score sheet anyway.

The school summer exams will take place soon and end of term reports will be sent home too. Don’t be too sore on them if you feel they’ve underperformed. Are they happy? That’s the main thing.
Raising children up is the answer every time. Focusing on the positives and making them feel valued. Letting them know they are truly enough.

Some people might disagree, but I think that teaching kids to value self acceptance over self improvement is important.

Self acceptance doesn’t mean staying static in life, not trying your best. It means moving forward with a sense of calm confidence; ‘I am good enough. I know my own strength.’
Adults are becoming increasingly aware of mindfulness and self love – and rightly so. The younger we are when we set off on that journey, the better. Yes, self improvement can help us to grow, but self acceptance can help us to thrive.

Louise Flanagan is an admin of Letterkenny Babies Facebook page and the author of the children’s book series, Dragonterra. www.dragonterra.ie. Her Parenting column appears each week in the Thursday edition of the Donegal News.

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